Self Development

In my previous post, "How to Change a Bad Habit – An Easy Way", I have written about the importance of a companion (a friend or a relative, with which you are comfortable) for a habit change. The question which I will tackle in today’s post is who would be the right companion in your habit change drive? Unfortunately, not just anyone is a good fit.

Keep it in mind that the main duty of habit change companion is to make you accountable. Let me give you a fair warning: friends and relatives are not always the best accountability companions.
Here are some of the tips, which will help you to find a best habit change companion:

1. Companion is Ahead of You. In an ideal accountability companionship, one person should be a little bit better than  the other. It is true that both of you are helping each other, one person is usually better than the other and acts as a mentor. Otherwise, it will be like blind following a blind.
2. He has Similar Goals to You. Until and unless you both have similar goals your partnership will not last longer. It is not necessary that both of you should be working on the similar projects but at least there should be an overlap of big goals. 
3. Companion is Focused. If you two are having a meeting each day, but never seem to get anywhere due to lack of focus in the meeting, first look at yourself. Are you dragging things off course on a regular basis? If not, then find a more focused companion. 
4. He is Supportive. An important characteristic of your partner is that he should held you accountable. A better companion will held your best interest in to his heart and knows when you need a little lift instead of a scolding. 
5. Companion Show Commitment. This point is obvious because no partnership is successful without commitment.

To be true, I had a lot of bad habits. Here is a small sample:

1. I procrastinated on my most important work.
2. I woke up late and went to bed early.
3. I neglected my relationships.
4. I bought worthless things, I didn’t need.
5. I chewed with my mouth open.
6. I ate tons of junk food.

I could go on, but none of that’s incredibly important. The only important thing is that now the list of bad habits is shrinking.

I have lived with my bad habits for years, which was an agonizing experience. I did try to get rid-off from them but I failed miserably. The recipe which finally helped me knock out bad habits is to take help from my friends.

Late in 2017, a friend told me that he wanted to wake up early in the morning and is interested in exercise. I remembered, how much I enjoyed early rising and exercise. That habit was engraved in me. I am sure, I would have not been able to adopt that habit alone.

Since then, I’ve made it my habit to recruit partners to help me with all my big goals. Try it yourself, you would love this little habit change hack.

The inspiration behind 21 day trial program is Steve Pavlina’s 30-Day Trial. It is a modified version of that. Reasons behind selection of 21 days for the trial program are:

If we analyze our daily activities, majority of them are habits, whether it is waking up from the sleep, flossing our teeth or doing exercise. In this post I will particularly focus on how to effectively change a habit. My advice is based on guidelines provided by the latest research in the field of psychology.

1. Take One Habit at a Time. This is very important tip. Always work on one habit and don’t ever focus on changing multiple habits at a time. If you do, you are overwhelming yourself and you will be running a serious risk of failing to change any habit at all.

2. Make a Plan and Note it Down. This is often the most overlooked advice on changing a habit effectively. Always make a plan and note it down. Write a start date and an end date (21 days time period is recommended). Think, what could be possible hurdles and how you will overcome them and note it down. Also include a a reward system in your plan. Finally, review your plan and make sure that it is realistic.

3. Repeat! This is quite obvious and is the main reason of many failed attempts to change a new habit. Remember habits are our actions that are repeated over and over again until they become automatic. It mean all you have to do is to repeat an action sufficient number of times so that it is ingrained and then your new habit will be on autopilot.

So, these are the three advices for effectively changing a habit. I hope you will find it helpful when working on changing a habit.

Clarity, competence and concentration are the three keys to living without limits. Better goal setting will help you to get these three keys in action. It is true, proper goal setting is an art but there are guidelines which if followed, in spirit, will ensure creation of a goal worthy to be followed:

1. Goal Should be in Positive Terms.
Don’t fall trap into setting your goal into negative terms, like, I don’t want to eat junk food. Instead state your goal in positive terms, like, I want to eat vegetarian diet. Feel the difference between the two? This simple tip, alone, will improve your chances to get the goal.

2. Goal Must be Clear and Specific.
Always write your goal in specific terms. Avoid vagueness and generality. Clarity is another important aspect of setting goal exercise. More clearer the goal is set, greater are the chances of achieving it.

3. Write Down the Context of the Goal.
Note down when and where will you achieve your goal. For some goals, answer should be obvious but it is not always the case. Always try to be specific.

4. Plan Your Goal.
No one can underestimate the importance of planning, but in case of goal setting, it is vital. State clearly what are the resources needed to achieve the goal? List all you need to achieve your goal, in terms of time, money and energy.
There is always a price to pay, for everything. There is always some kind of sacrifice needed to make when you are setting a goal. Weigh your chances and decide clearly.

5. Review the Goal.
This is the last step of goal writing. Review your goals to ensure that your goal is in harmony with your belief system and values. Avoid goal which affects your home/work life balance. This review will provide you a chance to know that your whole life is in balance or not. Always check whether your goal is worth it?
Exactly, why do I want to achieve this goal? How important is it to me? Answer of these questions, let you know whether you should follow this goal or not.

When you set your goal in the light of above recommendations, you will be having a bright chance to achieve your goal. Firstly, there will be no resistance in your mind as your goals are in harmony with your vision, values and belief system. Absence of this harmony is the major reason for the failed attempts to get the goal. Secondly, it will boost your motivation level that will push you till you get your goal.

Improving yourself is a life long process, which requires patience, perseverance and commitment. There is no short cut to it. However, following is the list of questions which will help you in focusing on self-improvement and by providing you the opportunity to taste its fruit:

1. What do I Really Want?
The question is simple but an important one. Answer it carefully. There are so many things that you want to get but you can't get them all. You have to make a choice which one is more important and which one is less important. Select only one among the possible many answers, one which is not in conflict with your values and your priorities in life.

2. Should I Really Need to Change?
High level of motivation is required to change an old and well engraved habit/behaviour. Without enough motivation, it is a hard task to bring a change into the life, permanently. If you can answer the above question with a sound reason, then you are very close to change yourself.

3. Am I Comfortable With What I'm Doing?
This is also an important question. If you are not comfortable with your new identity, how can you adopt it permanently. It does not mean that you can’t make changes in your life, which are in conflict with your immediate environment. You can, but beware a relatively high level of motivation is required in such instances.

At the end of the post I want to emphasize, self-improvement is not just a philosophical change you have to undergo, but it should be something that you really want.

1. Eliminate Negative Beliefs: First get rid off any negative thoughts and beliefs associated with new year’s resolutions. This can be easily done by deciding to create goals instead of resolution. Also make sure that goals you create for yourself should be specific, achievable and time bound.
2. Start Early: Don’t leave setting up goals for new year on 31 December, instead start the process now. This will leave enough time to set up better goals without any time pressure.
3. Evaluate Your Last Year Performance: This is very important step in setting right goals. Sit down, relax and think about your last year. How would you rate your performance in the last year? What were your positive/negative points? Note them in a notebook/notepad, whichever is convenient to you. Think again, what you can do, now, to eliminate your negative points and to increase your positive points?  Write down whatever comes to your mind and note them.
4. Identify Your Heart’s Desire: Have a look at whatever you have noted down. Rephrase them in a form of goal and prioritize into a list by putting the one which you want to achieve anyhow, first. Remember, your goal should also match your heart’s desire otherwise you will not be able to achieve it due to lack of motivation and interest. The rule is simple, if your goal is not your heart’s desire leave it and go for item no. 2 on your list, instead.
5. Keep it simple. Do not go for more than 3 goals at one time. You will become overwhelmed, keep it manageable. Even, I would suggest one a time, this will ensure success.
6. Go for it: Once you have selected your goals, now is the time for action. Go for it 100%. Don’t let procrastination prevent you from achieving your goals.